I love going into the Hobby lobby store and just browsing the aisles, looking at all possibilities, from the craft kits to flowers, whats and sale and examining the wall art. Getting ideas of how to decorate rooms, events or kids projects; oh all of the possibilities.
Sometimes the hard part about being creative is when you have the time but you don’t have the money, when you have the money but not the time, when you have a project in mind but are faced with too many options, when you have the options but not a solid direction. When you have everything you need but you don’t have a clue on which direction that you want to go, or not having any of it. Sometimes even going into a craft store, or just going through life might seem like white noise or a muffled conversation, it’s happening but there is no understanding.
I have been going through this season of introspection, what do I believe when it comes to identity? Can I trust who God says I am, even when I don’t feel that way? Why can’t I see myself the way He does? I feel lost in my own quiet chaos, and yet He sees beauty. I feel like my walk with The Lord is abstract and he sees a masterpiece.
And then i saw it, my kids were playing tag in the aisle and my oldest son was telling me about the wall art that he wanted to hang up in his room, and then I saw it, it stopped me in my tracks, it was something that I have seen before, but never in that color pallet, it was a mixture of either brown and pink with some gold sparkles splashed across the canvas, or it is a rose gold with a brown lining covered in gold sparkles. It was one solid piece, and it was clearly abstract. But to me it looked like a segment of a sound bite. It was so beautiful, but I wasn’t clear on exactly how to replicate it. It looked easy enough, upon further research I learned the art of proper form for abstract art. Every picture was beautiful artwork but I still never saw these colors put together, I was fixated on finding that same painting every time that I went to Hobby Lobby. I finally got the nerve to look at the price tag, I couldn’t afford it at full price, I went on another occasion and it was half price! I had no money, I still couldn’t afford it. My kids got used to me zooming down the aisle looking for this painting, and it didn’t matter where I found it, once I did, it was like something inside of me felt like I was gaining clarity. I showed it to my husband and he just wants to see me happy, so he offered to buy it for me! I was so excited, but we had been hit pretty hard financially that month, so I declined. I went in one more time, and the painting had been moved, it wasn’t in its normal place with the half priced red line through the tag. It was in the aisle where all the phased out art was. I felt pain in the pit of my stomach. Now was my chance, I need to buy it now, or I might miss out!
I have the money, so I called my husband to see if this is a necessary purchase. I couldn’t explain it, this painting stirred something in my spirit every time, I knew I had some other financial responsibilities, but I’ve been patient. I get off of the phone excited and grab the painting put it in my cart and I continue browsing, I’m low key excited to get to the register, check out, put it in my back seat and finally hang it up on my wall to complete my office set up, but we don’t have that house anymore, my office space is all packed up, there is no room for me to hang it up yet..I don’t care, I will find a way, this is more than a painting!
I got a phone call about a family emergency. I have to go now, the check out line is too long. Not enough cashiers and no manager in sight, I sense a panic come over me as I’m trying to come up with a plan of how I can come back, because it’s basically mine.
I take a deep breath, I pick up the painting to remove from my cart, and as it was firmly in my grip, I am reminded of all of these different preachers that have talked about how their faith brought forward their fruit. Their mustard seed of faith had grown into a full blown testimony, they endured the hardship and now they live in their reward. And all I was believing in that moment was God, if you did it for them, please do it for me.
At that moment, I had made up my mind not to pursue that painting anymore. I knew in my heart that I will one day have that painting, but I’m believing that God will do something amazing on my journey to receiving this painting into my possession.
I still go to Hobby Lobby, calmer and imagining the testimony I will have when I receive that painting, maybe I will find it at a garage sale and pay for it at such a cheap price that I will basically feel free, its happened before. Maybe I’ll gain favor with someone at my job and that will be a reward I buy with my check…maybe I will grow my mustard seed of faith to something a little bit bigger and believe that somehow this painting will be free for me.
Do you ever have those moments when you believe in God, to do something in your life and even go as far as trying to map out all the possibilities in how He will do it?
I did and when I say that God blew my mind, that I had heard about it from others but never took real inventory about the times that God did it for me.
I couldn’t just sit on this for days on end and miss out on some key details. This is not something that I’ll eventually get to, I’m slowly learning about God’s timing, and how it may seem random to us, it is perfectly orchestrated by him.
We were asked to house sit/not really baby sit-because they are mostly teenagers/ puppy sit…basically hold the fort down for this weekend for our brother and sister in law. And during our stay I realized some things that needed to be talked about.. I had the idea of the image that was presented, but I lacked the pieces of understanding, I was willing to take the steps to get there, but I had no road map. I have money but not enough financial understanding, there I was sitting in this beautiful house, no kids asking me 21 questions in a matter of minutes, not a giant pile of clothes to fold, not the laundry monster to face, not the endless snacking, not tv’s blaring, not arguing in the background, not dogs barking and viewing for my attention, no art work that needed to be hung, nothing needed to be done, granted there were things that needed to be done but this was not my house, it was quiet, spacious, everyone had something to do, some where to be but ultimately in their own world, I sat back in the recliner and felt the quiet, it could either be very peaceful or lonely. I thought I was going to take this time to get some work done, maybe come up with a game plan, maybe do a bible study in the quiet morning with some coffee on the outside swing. But as soon as I heard the sound of footsteps coming down the plush carpet stairs, I was alert, waiting to see if I was needed or just to get a moment to check in with family. Those moments are far and few but priceless. I got a chance to experience by proxy what teenage life can be, and what my priorities now will soon become my reality. Do I like the direction that this is going or can I improve on something now to hold on to what I have grown accustomed to?
My niece, I have known this girl since she was 4 and now she is a senior in high school, she asked me to help her do her hair. I am a messy bun type of mom, I had no idea the time and patience that it took to do braids. I tried to help her with a few but eventually we agreed that i can hold the bundles and give her the pieces, either way I was excited to hear what was going on in her world. And she didn’t realize that at some moments I would have tears in my eyes because some of the things that I have been writing about but too afraid to publish on my website were some of the questions that she had as well. It was a validating moment to realize that what I thought no one would care about or even parts of my story would resonate with not just my readers but someone as special to me as her. How the Lord could love us so much that He orchestrated a vulnerable moment to not only give her hope in this situation but that what I have gone through even in my doubts can still be a blessing to others along with my own healing.
I look away so she doesn’t notice, and what do I see on her wall? The painting, I was happy to see it again, but in that moment I realized what this painting meant, I wasn’t tripping, it was a sound bite, but it’s not an audible piece, it is a frequency, you can’t hear it, without understanding and you can’t unravel what is being said without discernment. God used an abstract piece of art to entice my soul, it was a whisper of a message wrapped in color, it can be overlooked when its not what you are searching for. ITs a masterpiece to you because you see what others don’t.
I couldn’t help myself, almost in a child-like enthusiasm I said “I have loved this painting!, you have good taste.” she glances at it and says “oh yeah, I really didn’t pay attention, you can have it if you want it.”
I couldn’t believe it, she had in her possession something that I longed for, she didn’t really pay attention to it, and yet it captivated me, she just gave it to me, and my mustard seed of faith had borne fruit.
I made sure she was ok with it, and once we were done, she took it off of the wall, and I walked down the plush stairs, crying because He did it for me in a way that was not in my possibility rolodex.
I looked at that painting as it sat next to my belongings, smiling, and couldn’t wait to take it home. But I couldn’t accept that it was truly mine until I cleared it with her parents.
The next day, as we were getting ready to go, I asked her dad, and to my surprise he was cool with it. I couldn’t believe it. As we were transitioning into moving back into our crazy lives and they were moving into theirs, I forgot to pick up the painting, I told my husband and he went all the way back to their house, no one was answering their phone, no one answered the door, I was nervous that I was this close, and now that it was in my possession i forgot about it already?!
Luckily my nephew opened up the door and gave me my painting. I put it in the back of the suv and couldn’t wait to write about this. I still can’t hang it up, it is not new, it has some wear on it, but the thing is, it’s mine, my faith has grown, my trust has grown and I might not always get the message but at least I know how to tap into the frequency.